How My Moon Ritual Helped Me Finally See the Truth About My Toxic Ex

Here's what I wish someone had told me when I started doing moon work to heal from a toxic relationship: the ritual won't necessarily prevent your ex from reaching out. What it WILL do is something far more powerful - it will give you the clarity to finally see them clearly and choose yourself without hesitation.

Three years ago, I performed my first cord-cutting ritual during a waning moon. What happened three weeks later shocked me. But looking back, I realize it was the greatest gift the universe could have given me.

Why Did I Feel So Lost After Leaving?

If you've ever left a relationship that was clearly unhealthy but still found yourself missing them, you're not alone. And you're not weak. You're experiencing what happens when emotional bonds get tangled with trauma bonds.

I'm an Aries moon - action-oriented, impulsive, usually pretty decisive. So when I found myself oscillating between fury and desperate longing for six months after leaving my ex, I felt broken. Everything I knew about myself said I should be over it by now. Why wasn't I?

What I didn't understand then is that healing isn't linear, and the moon phases would become my roadmap for navigating the chaos.

"The waning moon is perfect for releasing what no longer serves you. It's not about them - it's about freeing yourself from the version of you that tolerated less than you deserved."

What Happens During a Cord-Cutting Ritual?

My friend Maria had been practicing moon rituals for years. When she suggested a cord-cutting ceremony, I was skeptical but desperate. What did I have to lose?

On the night of the waning crescent moon, I gathered simple materials: two white candles, a piece of string connecting them, scissors, and a photo I was ready to release. The setup wasn't elaborate. The intention was everything.

Here's what I said as I cut that string:

Notice what I didn't say? I didn't ask for him to disappear. I didn't try to control his behavior. I focused entirely on MY healing, MY patterns, MY freedom.

Research supports this approach. Studies show that self-reflection practices improve our ability to regulate emotions and make aligned decisions, with effect sizes ranging from 16-47% improvement in self-efficacy (Stajkovic & Luthans, 1998). When you focus on your own transformation rather than trying to change someone else, you actually change.

When the Universe Sends a Test

Three weeks after the ritual - during the new moon - my phone lit up with a name I hadn't seen in six months.

He wanted to talk. He'd started therapy. He was different now. He wanted to apologize, to make amends, to explain.

Six months ago, this message would have sent me spiraling. I would have analyzed every word. Called five friends for their opinions. Probably agreed to meet him within hours.

But something had shifted. The cord-cutting ritual hadn't prevented him from reaching out - but it had changed me. I could see the message for what it was: not an answer to some hidden wish, but a test of everything I'd been building.

How Did I Know I Had Actually Changed?

Here's the thing that surprised me most: I didn't feel the old desperate pull. I felt... curious. Observant. Almost clinical.

I read his message and noticed my body. No racing heart. No stomach drop. No immediate impulse to respond. For the first time, I could look at this situation without being in it.

The ritual had worked. Not by making him go away or come back - but by giving me the emotional clarity to choose consciously rather than react desperately.

This is what the research calls improved self-efficacy - believing in your ability to handle challenging situations. Meta-analysis of 114 studies shows this kind of self-belief increases actual success in navigating difficult circumstances by 16-47% (Bandura, 1997). The ritual had rebuilt something I'd lost in that relationship: trust in myself.

What I Chose - And Why It Mattered

I agreed to meet him. In a public place. With clear boundaries about what the conversation was and wasn't.

And you know what? He did seem different. More accountable. Less defensive. He'd clearly done some work.

But here's what the ritual had shown me: his growth was his journey. It didn't obligate me to anything. The old me would have felt responsible for validating his changes, for giving him a chance to prove himself, for being the "bigger person."

The new me understood something clearer: I could appreciate his growth and still choose not to have him in my life. Those two things weren't contradictions.

"I appreciated his apology. I genuinely wished him well. And I didn't want him back. For the first time, I could hold all three truths without confusion. The ritual had given me that clarity."

Why Do Toxic Patterns Keep Repeating?

Before I understood moon work, I thought my pattern of attracting unavailable people was just bad luck. Or maybe something fundamentally broken in my picker.

What I've learned is that patterns repeat until we become conscious of them. And consciousness requires regular check-in points - which is exactly what working with moon phases provides.

Every 3-4 days, the moon shifts into a new phase. Each phase offers a different kind of reflection:

• New Moon: What patterns am I ready to release? What do I want to call in?
• Waxing Moon: Am I taking aligned action? Am I honoring my intentions?
• Full Moon: What has come to light? What needs acknowledgment?
• Waning Moon: What am I releasing? What no longer serves me?

Research shows that expressive writing about our experiences improves psychological well-being with significant effect sizes (Smyth, 1998; Pennebaker & Smyth, 2016). When we combine writing with regular lunar check-ins, we create a rhythm of reflection that makes unconscious patterns visible.

I didn't break my toxic relationship pattern by analyzing it once. I broke it by examining it every few days, across many moon cycles, until I could see clearly what I'd been accepting and why.

How Long Does Real Healing Take?

I wish I could tell you there's a timeline. Three moon cycles and you're good. But healing doesn't work that way.

What I can tell you is this: research from UCL shows it takes an average of 66 days to build a new habit - with a range of 18 to 254 days depending on complexity (Lally et al., 2010). And here's the part that changed everything for me: missing a single day doesn't derail the process.

That means if you're doing moon phase work imperfectly - missing some new moons, forgetting to journal during the full moon - you're still building the neural pathways that support healthier choices. Consistency over perfection.

For me, the real shift happened around month three. Not because I'd done everything perfectly, but because I'd done it often enough that healthy boundaries started feeling natural instead of forced.

What I Practice Now

Two years after that cord-cutting ritual, my moon practice has evolved. I no longer do rituals focused on releasing specific people. Instead, I use the lunar cycle for ongoing self-awareness:

• New Moon: I set one intention related to how I want to feel in my relationships
• Waxing Moon: I notice where I'm honoring that intention and where I'm slipping
• Full Moon: I celebrate my progress and acknowledge what's surfaced
• Waning Moon: I consciously release any people-pleasing or self-abandonment patterns

I'm now in a healthy relationship with someone who respects and cherishes me. And no, I didn't manifest him specifically. What I manifested was becoming someone who could recognize and receive healthy love.

That's the real magic. Not controlling outcomes - transforming yourself.

The Real Success of My Ritual

My ex reaching out wasn't the success of my moon ritual. The success was sitting across from him at that coffee shop and feeling completely at peace with my choice not to reconcile.

The success was not needing his validation to feel whole. Not needing to prove I was "over it" by being cold. Not needing to give him another chance to prove I was forgiving.

I could simply wish him well and walk away. Present, grounded, choosing myself without drama or apology.

That's what real manifestation looks like. Not controlling external circumstances. Transforming internal patterns until the right choices feel obvious.

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